I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
