but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize