I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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