True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
