Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
