guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
