Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
