Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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