You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its not stalking. its research.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
