You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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