she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
