I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
