Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
