I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
