I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why can't burritos get me drunk
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
