I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
