i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
