I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
