in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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