Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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