just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
