I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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