"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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