mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
