hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize