sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
