God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
