life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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