Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
