Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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