He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
