so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
