i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
