That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
