Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize