I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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