The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
