Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
