Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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