You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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