Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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