The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
