I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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