Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
