you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my liver is dry heaving
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
