she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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