I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
