Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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