i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
