just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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