Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
