but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
