we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think i got beer on your cat.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
