grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
