I CAN MOONWALK!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
