I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
