take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
