my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
