We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
