News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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