I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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