Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize