): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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