at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
