ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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