yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
