I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
