So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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