Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
