May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
