i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize