Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
