If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
