I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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