So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
