Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
