I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
