New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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