I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
