It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
